Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Jumble of thoughts = my life story

It's been a rough time lately. So much has been going on and I'm really good with hiding my troubles. I know that. Being back at school just isn't what I need right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my classes and the fact that I'm pursuing my goals with my engine going full speed. But school life for me has changed drastically.

For instance friends who were once super close to me I now see only once on in a blue moon. Shows what great friends they were right? I know. The only thing that bugs me is I trusted them. Told them things I normally wouldn't even tell friends that I've known for years back home. All of this has definitely made me hold in my thoughts. (Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going with this post, so bear with me.) People who I once trusted with my life story just disappeared from my life claiming they don't hang out with anyone, but um, hello, I just saw you at someone else's apartment did I not? What's that? If that's not defined as hanging out, I don't know what is anymore. I don't know, all of this just sucks because there's a lot I wish I could take back now. Trust is too easy to gain from me, but it's not something I want to change. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's taught me a lot about life and a lot about people. Plus, I think everyone deserves a chance.

The interesting thing about all of this is a lot of the issues I have been talking about are simply my distractions to cover up the bigger ones. On a side note, I picked the picture that I did because I just made some coffee for myself and realized I really don't like black coffee or any coffee that is close to black. I like to drown it with sugar and milk. Coffee itself is actually rly gross... but overly sweet coffee like coffee ice cream is gross too. Idk, I need to perfect my balance of sugar and cream because everything tastes weird to me now. Back to the issue. I dislike the way things are changing around me. I'm rly busy trying to study, hang out, and eat all in 24 hours and maybe adding some sleep in there in the midst of all that, but the boy-frenzy plaguing second years really caught up with me. Lately I've been stressing about who I'm going to take to my sorority's cocktail event, but you know what, it's not even that big of a deal. Right now, it feels like high school all over again. Honestly, sometimes I wish I could have a bf that went to these events with me but every other day of the year, I can do what I want. My cousin and I had an interesting conversation about this. I absolutely LOVE finally being single with no strings attached. I mean, I was always single, but there was always baggage with the past. For once in my life, I cleared it all and had a clean slate. Then the whole cocktail thing gets thrown at me and now I'm just like shietttt. Haha. But after much contemplation, I decided I'm just going to focus on school because that gives me a much more rewarding result. The whole date thing, I'll figure out if I find the time. Sounds like a plan to me!

There's more I need to talk about and this is not even close to what I had in mind for this post, but I really need to study for my midterm. So this shall have to do for now! Goodnight blogspot :)

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