Saturday, October 2, 2010


Today has been long and stressful. Honestly, after my counseling session, I feel more lost than ever. Leading up to this experience, everything done was towards one goal and now I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions and I want to do it all. Weirdly, it feels as if I'm lacking a strong passion. I know I love math & econ, but there's no instinctive drive pulling me towards any one specific thing. In the end, the determination to do it all is there, but in recent conversations I found that if there's no love behind my actions, it's all meaningless.

Example: There's a friend who's branching out and dabbling in everything. Basically, working the networks around us. Yes, life is better with connections, but that's not what it's all about. Life is better with a solid relationship to back you up, but that's not what it revolves around. There's so much more to life than the stereotypes and Irvine is the place to be to break the stereotype. Most of this comes to my mind specifically because I've been getting a lot of shit for being in a sorority. Come on, I know I look and act like a sorority girl, so what's wrong with me being one? People who once said I look like one are now giving me shit for being in one, but what's wrong with me loving what I do? At least I know I'm doing this for the right reasons. It honestly makes me feel at home and has definitely helped with my knowledge of whether or not others are judging me. To me life is about seizing opportunities and loving the ones that you take. It's not about creating a big ass web of networks because by doing so, you lose touch with those who are meant to be the closest to you. Eventually, they'll even stop caring and you'll be left wondering why the left if you even notice they left. I've had this all happen way too many times to let the ones I love go through the same pain.

Conversations are priceless. There's nothing that can replace that connection between people. No matter how much work you could get done in that hour, it will never beat the satisfaction you get from a good conversation. Even if it's not a good one though, it's the after feeling of knowing you tried. Social networking is about knowing a few people who know other people who know people who can help you. Ya kno? At least that's how I feel. Basically this all boils down to the type of person I am and the way I see life I guess. I like to keep my close friends close and others as friends until they share that bond/connection/energy with me. My comfort is hard to gain, but easy to keep once you have it. Trust that.

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