Friday, July 30, 2010
Today was a fun day, I think it's probably my first real summer day. Slept in, then met up with Mina at her apartment. Chatted it up for a bit before Anna and Jan joined us. We then explored the homeless people on Telegraph Avenue and reparked Anna's car at Bart for free parking! :) The real adventures began afterwards, beginning with a nice lunch at Buca de Beppo's (it was Anna's first time) and a really weird waiter. He told us this weird tale about how it's easier to be negative than it is to be positive because negative signs are one line and positive signs are two, therefore more effort is taken to be positive... IDK what the point of the story was, but it was a good laugh I guess? Anyways, we followed that lovely lunch with a visit back to the mall, which is where I left them because my papi got off work early. Overall, I'd say it was quite an eventful day. Now I'm off for a nice night swim to end it all! :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
My apologies for the stress implied in the last blog. Things have not been too mellow around me. But the image above is here because my mom basically put me up to a challenge that I refuse to fail at.
[Background] College has been the topic around the house a lot lately. Especially with me graduating early (hopefully..), my brother unsure of what he wants to do, my cousin starting college, other cousin beginning grad school. My family is just full of college kids at the moment! Anyways, back to the point, in fear of failure, I always tell my mom if the college thing doesn't work out for me then I'm going to drop it and open up my own bakery by decorating cakes!
So now my challenge is to bake a cake and decorate it nicely for my aunt's birthday. This should be interesting. I'm definitely up for it though because I honestly LOVE baking. It's such a nice release for me and for sure when I make money the first thing I'm going to do is buy myself a professional piping kit. Ya know, the ones with the tips and things. On top of that I want to take some cooking classes. I think that's my ultimate goal in life.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
There is a storm in the horizon. Expectations are just too much to bear. Everything seems to be falling apart around me, and everyone expects me to keep my cool. It's easier said than done. I honestly love my family. They keep me sane. On the other hand, I despise everything we're about. That typical Asian family, that's what we are. I'm the most white-washed one in the family, and I'm suppose to be the one who causes constant disappointment in this family. How in the world did I get to where I'm at right now?
Right now, I feel like all the family expectations are now placed on me to deliver: graduate early, go to grad school and be successful because I'm determined. Yes, I am. But I want the breathing room to know that if I fail, it doesn't matter. I absolutely hate the pressure going around right now. I came home to relax and breathe, but everyone is so uptight and stretched too far that I really hate it right now. When did things get this way? That's what I want to know. When I left, everyone still had some levels of respect, some levels of self-discipline, some guidelines. It makes me so mad to watch my family at a simple dinner. No one talks, everyone fends for themselves, finding the best spot at the dinner table to reach the plates in the center and just stuffs their face like there's no tomorrow. Rummaging through my pantry and fridge/freezer; it's all really disturbing and frustrating to see what's become of my family. As much as I adore and love them, I hate that they don't see the way others are bending over backwards for them and the pain they inflict upon one another.
Being home has taught me a lot. I'm grateful to know my future is in my hands: financially, academically, and journey-wise. I can do what I want with it, open whatever doors I please and not have to answer to anyone. On top of it all, my parents are proud of me for once AND I'm setting an example. It's crazy to think that for once in my life, I'm doing something right. I always thought that "perfect child" role was meant for my brother, but evidently, he's failing and I'm succeeding! I admit, I feel guilty for leaving all the pressures for him, so my mission now is to help him realize it's ok to fail just like I have all my life. I guess it's my turn to take care of him! :)
Family is important. For me, they're my life. They are what I live for. Very few friends have made it into my family. Life was always about disappointments, but being home makes me realize I'm heading in the right direction. I just have to suck up and withstand the stress. Believe.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Life is what you make of it.
Today was a good day, I finally got to see Turkey. Even though it wasn't the SG day we were planning on, the day was still fun! I succeeded in my mission to not shop, with the added knowledge that SF tax is higher and that I'd be making several trips out there over the next month, I refrained from spending. I miss the freedom of doing what I want, but most of all, I miss being with carefree fun people. Everyone around me seems to be so stressed, adding onto my stress. Today more than ever, I wish I could take one of the five cars we have (oh, and we only have 3 insured drivers at home. stupid, right? i know) and just drive away! No restrictions, the world in front of me and all the freedom to go wherever my foot took me. *Sigh, that would be a dream come true. But since I'm not living a dream, back to reality. After I got home, my mom was cooking, so I helped water the plants and made some lemonade. That's become a habit of mine because I love being in my backyard and seeing the progress of all the fruits and vegetables in our backyard. I will also add, we have kind of a mini orchard (that's what I call it) in our backyard. We have a lemon tree, an orange tree, an apple tree, a pear tree, some citrus type tree, zuccini plants, tomato plants, basil, a blueberry bush, a plum tree, a squash plant, asian green onions.. IDK, but I think there's more. That just gave me an idea, I'm going to document all the plants and trees we have in the backyard tomorrow. Ohh! Fun!! :) So, tbc!
Anyways, my purpose for blogging this blog was to talk about life. Recently, it has come to my attention that my cousin who is going to USC in the fall, does not have the financial means to cover her tuition. The reason this came up is because I finally received a much needed grant from the government, meaning I won't have to pay back as much when I graduate. YAY! But as for my cousin, her parents lack the financial means to cover her costs at school...
Well, let's get to some back story first. This is the cousin who always gets what she wants. She's book smart but not street smart. I agree it's good to be determined to get what you want, but it should never be at the cost of your family. She's extremely jealous and greedy at times, but I can't blame her for everything.
My point here is, I took out a student loan to cover my costs for school because I didn't want to burden my parents for my wanting to experience the world. However, she's the cousin who has gone to Europe, flown to the East Coast, gone to Hawaii, flown back to the homeland where she was born, and gets everything she asks for just by asking daddy since birth. Now, my aunt wants to just send over money for her mom to pay for her tuition? Where was that money when I was struggling and fighting with my mom night and day over me going to Irvine? I don't dislike my aunt for not offering that option to my family. Honestly, I love being able to say that I'm paying for my college life right now. It's a humbling and gratifying experience to be honest. I've learned to strive for what I want, and work hard at it to get to where I need to be. I didn't take any short cuts, I didn't lean on anyone. It was all me. I'm quite the independent person now and I'm not afraid to be. This all came from my college experience. From this, I feel my cousin should do the same. Especially coming from the life she lived as a child, she would learn and benefit a lot from having to struggle through college on her own. In addition, it would make her appreciate her family more for who they are and the bond they share. At least, that's everything I've gained.
It's hard to wrap my head around people who cry over stupid things like a failing grade or not being able to live where they want to live because at least they have a place. A lot of things in college have just fallen the right way for me. I'm sure there are more struggles to come, but for now I'm enjoying the comfort of home and my mom being here for me. I'm grateful for what I have and am proud of what I've done even though others may not be. Everything up to this point has definitely been a rewarding experience.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I really should be studying right now, but I'm lacking motivation. Lately that's been my issue: motivation. Summer and home combined in one makes me want to chill, even if the weather won't permit it. Everything that I've done this summer has been for school. Of course, I know there are many who are worse off than I am, i.e. those who have to go to school and work afterwards, but in my opinion that's better than my life. At least work is something that benefits their current life. They're making bank to spend later on. I feel so restricted by not having a job, not having a car, and not having the freedom I want so badly. My mom and dad constantly talk to me about coming home for school saying I can have a car and drive and they'll pay for the insurance, but they don't get it. It's the freedom and the experience that money can't buy. The independence I gain from this, and the work and pressure to fulfill my own needs are what I'm trying to accomplish down south. I could easily come to DVC and get a 4.0, but I wouldn't be happy with it. Nor would I have gained the knowledge that I have now because everything in JC lacks inspiration for me. The information is spoon fed to the students and as long as you're open to learning during class, the classes are ridiculously easy. Summer and classes like these have made me lose all my inspiration and motivation to succeed. It's disappointing to know my parents are only considering the financial aspect of my education. I know it's their job to worry, but they're missing the bigger picture. Hopefully I can still do this, right now I'm doubting my future big time.
Friday, July 9, 2010
The world is scaring me. Recently, I realized this is the last time for at least 2 years that I'm going to be home for a long period of time. After this summer, I'm primarily going to be in Irvine, working and finishing up school until I graduate. How scary is the thought of that? The image to the left is kind of how I feel right now. The world (lion) is looking down on me, and I'm (the cub) innocent, fearful but driven to conquer it and dominate. Even though I'm lacking experience and guidance, since everyone older than me in the family so far has failed to follow their original path and are now lost or trying to find their way back to what they want, I'm determined to prove them all wrong and for once be the top dog in the family. We'll see how this works out, but it sounds like a sweet plan.
Lately I've been avoiding the realities of the world, hiding out in my house or with my family, but last night I was able to finally catch up with Antonia and she really makes me appreciate life. Honestly, she keeps me grounded and I have no doubt her and I will remain friends for life because we support each other through everything and keep each other sane. There's no bullshit between us, and there never will be because we understand each other 100%. She continues to amaze me with the life she lives and the hell her family puts her through, but she continues to live life with a smile on her face and takes everything life hands her with the most humble take on life ever! I love this girl to death and she makes me a better person at the end of the day. She also makes me grateful for what my mom gives me and it's people like her, who always remind me to thank my parents. I don't know what I would do without her, but I'm happy to say that we've known each other since elementary school, and I'm definitely thankful for all the mischief we got into during high school that helped us bond! :)
Home... It brings up all my old feelings and dramas from high school. Which is annoying because one of the drama scenarios comes from a nearby neighbor who also happens to hang out often with my close friends, then there's the phone one who I just can't get away from no matter how hard I try, it seems like the ties with this person is coded into my DNA or something. The hometown is just one complicated mess that I don't feel like fixing. I will admit though, I'm going to miss home when I have to stay down in SoCal. Now that I'm sitting at home, I miss the freedom of SoCal, but I know when I go back down, I'm going to miss home. There's just something about the comfort of sitting in the family room with my parents watching TV, even if I'm arguing with them that makes me smile (inside if I'm mad). Probably due to the unconditional love that will forever be there because they're my parents. I love my family, regardless of how dysfunctional they are.
-Shopping with the lovely SB's reeking havoc in NorCal :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
My school week is finally over and I can finally relax; however, my mom stole my TV to watch the news, therefore, I decided to create a new blog. I love my wordpress blog, but I've noticed that's not really the type of location I want to be using at the moment, so I'm switching over to blogspot for now. We'll see how long that lasts, or maybe I'll continue using both for different purposes? Haven't quite decided, but in case it looks like I've abandoned this site without any particular explanation as to why check out my wordpress, I might have updated that one: tiggermisc.wordpress.com (oh boy I hope that's the right link...)
Moving on, I guess I should write a little bit about myself and the purpose of this blog before I continue. I'm an adult, 18, which is still an adjustment for me and I've been this age for oh say 8 months or so? As of right now, I am a full time student. I've recently explored the wonders of southern California, but I am home for the summer living with my wonderful parents and my dearest brother. In addition I am attending a community college that's officially a 30 minute drive from home and has proven to be a huge pain in the you know where. It's crazy to still be considered a full time student in the summer, but yes, I do have a full course load. Please, don't ask me how I do it, I don't even know the answer to that myself. My life consists of laughter, happiness, family, friends, school, and the sun. I love music, baking, but not eating what I bake, and the simple things in life. The smallest things in the world can make me laugh for hours. Extravagance is not a word I would use to describe myself, more like plain? Drama has been kicked out the door and replaced with, well I don't really know exactly what, but it's somewhere between time at home with family around all the time and a few friends here and there. Not really much room for a social life being that I'm a broke college student, but hey, what else is new about that? Aren't most people my age in the same situation? The direction for this blog will have to be developed as I go. There really is no purpose here, my only goal for this is to include as many visuals as possible because I feel they enhance blogs. Hm, that's about all I have to say. Boredom has taken me here, so let's see where life leads me!