Distractions.

I have this really bad habit of starting blogs and never finishing them because I either lose my inspiration to write them or my train of thought drifts away. Distractions are my enemies.

Lately, a lot has been going on, but my greatest fear at the moment is that I'm growing up too fast.

Confession: I got distracted with Facebook and chatting on AIM, so I'm just going to end this here because that's all I really had to say. The rest would have just been an explanation as to why I feel the way I do. Also, I don't have an image to go with this post yet, but if I come across one, I'll update this post.

Life :)

Life has brought me many happy times to remember lately.

These are my lovely cousins during our sleepover. My little cousin Prissila turned me into a clown while we were doing makeovers... Nevertheless it was a great time and I got my hair cut afterwards! Normally, I'd post pictures of what my hair looks like now, but I found it to be pointless because my hair looks the same. I'm super disappointed because I asked for a different look, but evidently students in training only know how to cut layers one way. So my new decision is to keep this hair for another 2 months or so and get a new haircut, much shorter and pictures shall be posted then.

Then on August 23, 2010 Christine, Rammi, Jon and I went to a Giants game! I didn't take a picture of the whole group, Christine has that and I'm too lazy to find it, so this will have to do. This is also my first time going out with friends in contacts! :) Still questioning whether or not I should keep them because that night I could not get my left contact out. Lol. It was seriously terrible! We'll see how my next consultation goes with my doctor.

Last but certainly not least, last Friday, seven of us (Jon, his cousin Christine, Ryan, Jeff, Rammi, Christine and I) ventured over to Walnut Creek, where the only SF Creamery is located. Yeah, I know it's weird, SF Creamery is in Walnut Creek, but we tackled the infamous Kitchen Sink. I will definitely say it was a shitload of ice cream and I don't think I'll do it again. The eight scoops of ice cream consisted of vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, mint chip, rocky road, golden oreo, cookie dough, and snickerdoodle. (They were all actually pretty good, except for mint chip... I warned them though.) Our eight toppings were: M&Ms, gummy bears, rainbow sprinkles :), chocolate sprinkles, caramel, hot fudge, reese's cups, and marshmallows. It was definitely a great experience and I'd do it again, only hopefully the next time I do, I'll have more money so I can do something else afterwards.. What a night though. That sink is definitely worth the money if you're with a group! :)

Yep, so that's been my life lately. I love the chill days between because I just get to run errands with my mommy and really treasure my time at home. It's beginning to hit me that this is the last time I'll be home for the next two years and actually fully be at home. Not just back to visit. Everything is becoming so real but this down time has given me time to mentally prepare me for whatever the future may bring me as cheesy as that may sound, it's very true. I'm scared but ready at the moment! Next shall be the tales of me cleaning out my room.

Home has given me the opportunity to clear my head. I've had the opportunity to really think about what I want out of my life and what I value in a relationship. In terms of boys I really just want someone who can keep a conversation going, can balance my awkwardness either with more awkward behavior or suaveness, and chill attitude about life. Oh and he absolutely can NOT be clingy.

I've grown up with my family always worrying about whether I was dating or not when I lived at home. When graduation was nearing, my parents told me I can't date in college (craziessss). But now... things have changed a great deal.

My family is now actually pushing for me to date, and it's at a point in my life where I'm ok with being single. In high school I was a boy-crazed girl, but now after a year in college and meeting new people, eh. Dating's fun, but at the moment things are so good for me in the academics department that I feel like if I add a boy into the mix now things are all going crumble. Unless I can find a guy that studies as much as I do and is not clingy, a boyfriend is not my near future.

Funniest part of all this is my younger cousin, Fiona, telling me she wants me to bring a boyfriend home so that everyone in our family will get off her case and start talking about my relationship. On top of that, she doesn't like being the only girl in the family with a boyfriend. Lol. Even though my brother's still technically "dating" his girlfriend, we all know they're going to end up getting married, so they've already secretly been kicked out of the bf/gf list. :P

I don't know. Even though I have encouragement now, I don't want to ruin a good thing. This was just all a very weird topic for my family to discuss with me because I've grown up with my parents yelling at me for going out with boys and telling me I can't date until I'm in my thirties! Are they trying to pull some reverse psychology business on me? If so, it's working. Haha.

Changes

Slowly but surely, this summer has morphed me. Most recently these are the things that have happened:

• Broke off a few bad friendships. Basically those friendships were more toxic than friendly and I'm not one to deal with fixing something that is beyond me.
• Got contacts! :)
• Cut my hair (but the cut looks the same, so I'm thinking shorter possibly sometime before school?)
• Got new glasses & new sunglasses

Those are just the physical changes that I've gone through. Most of all, this summer has taught me responsibility and patience. My family is definitely uptight and rash to say the least. This summer, I found myself sitting there in the middle of an escalating argument and blurting out: "Calm down! You're being stupid." or "Take a deep breath, don't give yourself a heart attack." My mom tells me SoCal has made me a very relaxed person, but when I first came home, I really did not know what she was talking about. Now that it's nearing the end of summer, I see it. Definitely an interesting and very positive change in me, I approve! :)

On a side note: one of my cousins left for college on Wednesday and it made me realize, my family's old now. I have about 20 first cousins? Over half of them are in college atm, how crazy is that? I remember when we all used to gather together at family functions and divide into two groups, girls vs boys! We used to fight and throw things at each other, chase each other up and down the stairs, hide out and form secret clubs. Crazy, we're all moving on with our lives and the marriages are going to start soon (hopefully, the oldest in the family are boys... who haven't brought any gfs around the family... I wonder... Lol)

Eugh, I got distracted and I don't want to blog anymore. I'll just end this with, I feel like a responsible adult now! :)

HIlarious

[I forgot to post this earlier]

While I was at the movies on opening night of Step Up 3, my cousin and I were watching the previews and a row below us was four black teen boys. (Sorry, not a racist thing.) The screen shows a preview for a movie said to be released "Summer 2010."

All the guys are laughing.

1st guy: "Ahaha.. wait.. what?"

2nd guy: "Summer 2010!"

1st guy: "Sumer... 2010... HUH?!"

2nd guy: "Dude, summer 2010!"

1st guy: "What?!"

3rd guy: "Summer. Two. Thousand. TEN!"

1st guy: "Isn't summer almost over?!"

3rd guy: "YES!"

1st guy: "I don't get it! Agh! Nevermind. This shit is stupid. Why would it say summer 2010 when it's already over?"

Fiona and I just bust out laughing. These four guys seriously made the movie hilarious. They reminded me of the reason I go to watch movies in the theater still.

Fear

Fear - dictates my life.

There are words I want to share,

Words just for you.

Letters I wish you knew

About the things I fear the most.

Actions lately have me wondering, am I doing the right thing by just going after my goals and ignoring my instinct? True, by doing so, things have turned out quite nicely for my goal. But I don't want to live my life with regrets. There are so many things my heart wants to tell you. However, my brain says stop. You're the nicest person I've met by far and you've opened my eyes to a whole new part of society. I want to know more. But is it right? Fear of a new beginning. Fear of falling too soon and too quickly. Fear is what holds me back. Fear of you most of all. There are so many differences between us, but the curiosity for what can come of it still plagues me. I just don't know anymore...

Faithfully

[EDIT: Happy One Month Blog! :) I'm proud of what you're becoming.]

Summer has been interesting thus far. It's been full of adventures and realizations lately.

Never would I have thought that the people around me really had such a big influence over my actions; however, today, after an interesting adventure, I came home and realized, a lot of what I accomplished and the way I feel about others is influenced by my friends. I'm quite sure I've changed a lot of people's opinions about others because I get overly opinionated at times, but if it weren't for Rammi making his points during our Fenton's trip, I doubt I would've ever really thought about it. For example, my determination to graduate early from college comes from my family because they've always talked about the importance of college, yet the oldest boys in the family who are suppose to be done with school are still busy exploring their options. On top of that, my drive to do well stems from all the relatives around me who constantly look down on me and scuff at my accomplishments because they've graduated top 10 or given speeches at graduation or had above a 4.0 gpa in high school. It's stupid to brag about those things in my opinion because high school was a time to enjoy life. I'm not sure why, but in the end, even though I was always the underdog in the family, I feel like I've lived life to its fullest more than any of them. Sure they have more accomplishments on paper, but how are those achievements going to benefit them in the future? I've built friendships that'll last for life and made mistakes that I've learned from. In the end it's these that will stay with me, not a 4.whatever gpa in high school. Nor will a school with a well-known name benefit them if they aren't going to the school for the right reasons.

Until this summer, I never saw how inconsiderate some of my relatives can be. It aggravating to me for my family to not take time out of their day and cherish moments with the elders we have left. Maybe it's because I've gone to 5 or 6 funerals and was brought up around a big family, but I love spending time with my grandma and I try to stay home as much as possible when she comes to visit. (Also, she's my only grandparent left, so that makes her even more special.) But my cousins don't really understand that. It's more annoying to see her favorite grandchild acting like a spoiled brat who doesn't give a $#!* about her. My grams doesn't even ask for much, she cooks dinner for them, invites them over and is really just looking for some company, someone to talk with her or to just listen to her stories. Personally, I love listening to stories about the old times. But they find coming to dinner at my house, where everything is prepared and washed for them a hassle! Outrageous.

What I'm trying to say through all this is it's surprising to see what those around you do for you, and how their actions effect your life. Through my experiences I've grown to appreciate a lot of things and remain faithful to my family & their expectations (sort of... what they don't know won't hurt them, right? ;]). Life is forever changing and tomorrow is never a sure thing, now is what matters.