Friday, July 9, 2010

The Future in a Whirlwind

The world is scaring me. Recently, I realized this is the last time for at least 2 years that I'm going to be home for a long period of time. After this summer, I'm primarily going to be in Irvine, working and finishing up school until I graduate. How scary is the thought of that? The image to the left is kind of how I feel right now. The world (lion) is looking down on me, and I'm (the cub) innocent, fearful but driven to conquer it and dominate. Even though I'm lacking experience and guidance, since everyone older than me in the family so far has failed to follow their original path and are now lost or trying to find their way back to what they want, I'm determined to prove them all wrong and for once be the top dog in the family. We'll see how this works out, but it sounds like a sweet plan.
Lately I've been avoiding the realities of the world, hiding out in my house or with my family, but last night I was able to finally catch up with Antonia and she really makes me appreciate life. Honestly, she keeps me grounded and I have no doubt her and I will remain friends for life because we support each other through everything and keep each other sane. There's no bullshit between us, and there never will be because we understand each other 100%. She continues to amaze me with the life she lives and the hell her family puts her through, but she continues to live life with a smile on her face and takes everything life hands her with the most humble take on life ever! I love this girl to death and she makes me a better person at the end of the day. She also makes me grateful for what my mom gives me and it's people like her, who always remind me to thank my parents. I don't know what I would do without her, but I'm happy to say that we've known each other since elementary school, and I'm definitely thankful for all the mischief we got into during high school that helped us bond! :)
Home... It brings up all my old feelings and dramas from high school. Which is annoying because one of the drama scenarios comes from a nearby neighbor who also happens to hang out often with my close friends, then there's the phone one who I just can't get away from no matter how hard I try, it seems like the ties with this person is coded into my DNA or something. The hometown is just one complicated mess that I don't feel like fixing. I will admit though, I'm going to miss home when I have to stay down in SoCal. Now that I'm sitting at home, I miss the freedom of SoCal, but I know when I go back down, I'm going to miss home. There's just something about the comfort of sitting in the family room with my parents watching TV, even if I'm arguing with them that makes me smile (inside if I'm mad). Probably due to the unconditional love that will forever be there because they're my parents. I love my family, regardless of how dysfunctional they are.

Upcoming plans:
-Uhlex's party
-Shopping with the lovely SB's reeking havoc in NorCal :)

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