Saturday, October 23, 2010


This is going to be a little more personal post rather than my usual posts about my current life.

Last night I talked to my mom for about 3 hours I would say. Honestly, family is number 1. Without them, I would not be who I am and I would not be able to do a lot of what I do because I'd be lost. I've said this before, my family keeps me sane. And right now it sucks to know that while I'm down here and for quite some time, my family is slowly but surely being ripped apart. It's nothing new to me. I've had years to prepare myself for this. It's been looming in the horizon practically all of my life and I know my family appears to be happy and ok because I keep it glued together. I have an outlook on life like no one else in my family. Sometimes I consider my outlook on life as something similar to a bubble. No matter how hard things are the situation will always be seen in the optimistic eyes and on top of that, I'm blessed with the ability to never stay mad.

I love my mom for wanting to keep the family together because she feels it will be hard on us to live in a single parent household and have to stress about where to be on holidays, but I can't stand hearing/watching my family fight. I'm not one to wear all these troubles on my sleeve or face. This has be persisting for years and now its become much easier to deal with because I've accepted that it's destined to happen sooner or late. The worst part of it all is that not only is my immediate family dysfunctional, but so is the rest of it. My cousins, all 21, now 22 of them, are people I love, yet I can't stand the drama their parents and my parents bring with them. Part of me wonders if people ever really grow up. We take on more responsibilities but their behavior is so childish that I kind of feel like the way I am now, is the way I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Sure there may be minor tweaks, but there's never really going to be any significant sophistication added to my lifestyle. At least, that's what I'm predicting.

A lot of people have been looking very gloom lately and complaining about their issues at home. They look at me and think I live in this perfect world where my parents are happy and my brother's awesome because he graduated from Cal, I have great relationships with my cousins and a huge family to support me. Well this post was really just my way of letting people know, that's not true. I create a bubble for myself so that I can succeed and hopefully change this cycle of a dysfunctional family for myself. Why let others bring me down when I know I can take myself to great places, right? At least that's how I see life. There's no need to stress what's out of your control.

That's all I really have to say. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, that's just how I live. On a side note: I really like this song by Joseph Vincent and Jason Chen

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