F + F = Loveee

Family + Friends = Love! I know I owe an update about my sorority life, but now that I'm home, I don't have the means to take pictures of all that I want to talk about, so that post will have to wait until I get back to my apartment. Anyways, the reason I posted the picture above is because it just looks so romantic and reminds me of the love present at a wedding. But mostly, it's here because I've been wanting to post it for a while and just can't find the right moment to post it with! I honestly can't put into words how being home makes me feel. Even though I haven't accomplished much, it's such a nice feeling to be back. The comfort, the warmth, the love! It's all making me rethink moving away in the future. Maybe I want to stay in the Bay. But at the same time, I know I have more opportunities elsewhere. There's still quite some time before I have to make any decisions, but this trip home has tilted the scale back in favor of home. Also, at least here, there are REAL seasons. SoCal has two: summer and spring. Up here all four seasons are present. As much as I hate the cold, I love that I can walk out and really dress appropriately. Also the weather here isn't as unpredictable. If it's cold in the morning, it's going to be cold the rest of the day. Maybe even freezing! Meh, there are no updates. Life is boring and mellow the way I like it to be. Although, being home, I may be disappointing my friends just a bit on my lack of time for them, but really, I just need some me time and some home time. Hopefully they'll understand. Whatevs. Goodnight!

Major FAIL

I'm a college student studying for finals. I got Starbucks before one of my finals but by the time I was done, the ice melted, so I put my drink in the freezer wanting it to get cold faster, so I could drink and be alert while I study. Me being the dummy that I am, forgot about it. Now it's solid... :( Sad life...

Winter Wonderland

It's Winter! I love and hate this season at the same time. It's wonderful because of the decorations, the lights, the festivities and most definitely the love and joy it spreads around to EVERYONE! It's terrible because it's soooo COLD! Brrrr.

Anyways, I just got back from Kaba Winter Banquet, which was a lot of fun, but I'll post another blog on that while I'm home. For now I just wanted to get out some thoughts in this Winter Wonderland post. An interesting part of my life that I'm going to stick in this post is a conversation I had with a friend in discussion. I happened to have my letters on that night, and she asked if I was glued to them. After pondering that for a minute, I replied no, because for the most part, I either wear it under a jacket, or to gphi events. Then she told me, good because most new members who cross become glued to their letters and wear them every where. Well this made me super self-conscious. I try to not wear my letters as often as I probably would have if she hadn't said that because I don't want to fall in with that crowd. I'm proud of my letters and proud of my family, but the greek system has definitely not consumed my life. It's a big part of it, yes, but I've noticed that lately, all the conversations I have are in some way tied to greek life. For example tonight, (well it was my bad for wearing my letters but it looked cute with my outfit, so I had to) everyone asked me how gphi was and whether I liked it or not. It seemed like everyones ice breaker for me. Lol. But that's ok, because I answered honestly, I love it, and we moved on from there. Honestly, tonight was good. I definitely need to go to an event outside of greek family to ground myself again and remember that there's more to life than what the greek system is about, as much as I love it, it has definitely taken me away from other friends. After all this, I know for a fact it's going to be tough to balance life after this, but you know what, I'm ready for it!

Another thought that's been on my mind is why the eff have I always been in such a rush to grow up? Graduating early has been haunting me all quarter and the pressures of my future are daunting. Everything is just simply put, stressful! Agh, it's frustrating to see me leaving my childhood behind so soon, but I know it's for the benefit of my future. It just sucks because I already know I'm going to regret a lot later on. Thereby breaking my personal motto of living life with no regrets. I definitely am eliminating a lot by doing the sorority thing, but hopefully I can make my future amazing because I definitely don't want to deal with regrets. They're painful and troublesome. Just sayin'. Anyways, I don't really know what else I wanted to say. I just felt like blogging, but not about the things I owe because I want to do those posts justice and add lots of pictures! :D So that's all for now blog world! Until next time, ADIOS!

blogspot. i owe you an long update on sorority life. but for now, this will have to do: i am an official member of gamma phi beta! sistahs for lifeeee

Surface

Exploring new things lately has made me realize exactly how many people are surface friends. It bugs me. Small talk does not constitute an actual friendship, that's just my opinion. I appreciate people who actually take the time to get to know me rather than simply asking me the typical school questions. Those are just so old and boring now. Like honestly, there are some people I've seen multiple times and can honestly say I know nothing about that person but their name and the gossip on them. To me, that's sad. All it takes is a simple coffee break or even like a 15 minute conversation to really learn something special about a person. That's just my opinion of course.

Family

This is going to be a little more personal post rather than my usual posts about my current life.

Last night I talked to my mom for about 3 hours I would say. Honestly, family is number 1. Without them, I would not be who I am and I would not be able to do a lot of what I do because I'd be lost. I've said this before, my family keeps me sane. And right now it sucks to know that while I'm down here and for quite some time, my family is slowly but surely being ripped apart. It's nothing new to me. I've had years to prepare myself for this. It's been looming in the horizon practically all of my life and I know my family appears to be happy and ok because I keep it glued together. I have an outlook on life like no one else in my family. Sometimes I consider my outlook on life as something similar to a bubble. No matter how hard things are the situation will always be seen in the optimistic eyes and on top of that, I'm blessed with the ability to never stay mad.

I love my mom for wanting to keep the family together because she feels it will be hard on us to live in a single parent household and have to stress about where to be on holidays, but I can't stand hearing/watching my family fight. I'm not one to wear all these troubles on my sleeve or face. This has be persisting for years and now its become much easier to deal with because I've accepted that it's destined to happen sooner or late. The worst part of it all is that not only is my immediate family dysfunctional, but so is the rest of it. My cousins, all 21, now 22 of them, are people I love, yet I can't stand the drama their parents and my parents bring with them. Part of me wonders if people ever really grow up. We take on more responsibilities but their behavior is so childish that I kind of feel like the way I am now, is the way I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Sure there may be minor tweaks, but there's never really going to be any significant sophistication added to my lifestyle. At least, that's what I'm predicting.

A lot of people have been looking very gloom lately and complaining about their issues at home. They look at me and think I live in this perfect world where my parents are happy and my brother's awesome because he graduated from Cal, I have great relationships with my cousins and a huge family to support me. Well this post was really just my way of letting people know, that's not true. I create a bubble for myself so that I can succeed and hopefully change this cycle of a dysfunctional family for myself. Why let others bring me down when I know I can take myself to great places, right? At least that's how I see life. There's no need to stress what's out of your control.

That's all I really have to say. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, that's just how I live. On a side note: I really like this song by Joseph Vincent and Jason Chen

Jumble of thoughts = my life story

It's been a rough time lately. So much has been going on and I'm really good with hiding my troubles. I know that. Being back at school just isn't what I need right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my classes and the fact that I'm pursuing my goals with my engine going full speed. But school life for me has changed drastically.

For instance friends who were once super close to me I now see only once on in a blue moon. Shows what great friends they were right? I know. The only thing that bugs me is I trusted them. Told them things I normally wouldn't even tell friends that I've known for years back home. All of this has definitely made me hold in my thoughts. (Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going with this post, so bear with me.) People who I once trusted with my life story just disappeared from my life claiming they don't hang out with anyone, but um, hello, I just saw you at someone else's apartment did I not? What's that? If that's not defined as hanging out, I don't know what is anymore. I don't know, all of this just sucks because there's a lot I wish I could take back now. Trust is too easy to gain from me, but it's not something I want to change. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's taught me a lot about life and a lot about people. Plus, I think everyone deserves a chance.

The interesting thing about all of this is a lot of the issues I have been talking about are simply my distractions to cover up the bigger ones. On a side note, I picked the picture that I did because I just made some coffee for myself and realized I really don't like black coffee or any coffee that is close to black. I like to drown it with sugar and milk. Coffee itself is actually rly gross... but overly sweet coffee like coffee ice cream is gross too. Idk, I need to perfect my balance of sugar and cream because everything tastes weird to me now. Back to the issue. I dislike the way things are changing around me. I'm rly busy trying to study, hang out, and eat all in 24 hours and maybe adding some sleep in there in the midst of all that, but the boy-frenzy plaguing second years really caught up with me. Lately I've been stressing about who I'm going to take to my sorority's cocktail event, but you know what, it's not even that big of a deal. Right now, it feels like high school all over again. Honestly, sometimes I wish I could have a bf that went to these events with me but every other day of the year, I can do what I want. My cousin and I had an interesting conversation about this. I absolutely LOVE finally being single with no strings attached. I mean, I was always single, but there was always baggage with the past. For once in my life, I cleared it all and had a clean slate. Then the whole cocktail thing gets thrown at me and now I'm just like shietttt. Haha. But after much contemplation, I decided I'm just going to focus on school because that gives me a much more rewarding result. The whole date thing, I'll figure out if I find the time. Sounds like a plan to me!

There's more I need to talk about and this is not even close to what I had in mind for this post, but I really need to study for my midterm. So this shall have to do for now! Goodnight blogspot :)